"Kyle the Cuckold"

Christ And The Adulteress, Nicolas Poussin, Original Title: Christ et la femme adultère, Date: 1653

The title of this article is what Greg Fisher, a person I do not know, decided to call me in response to the below Facebook comments between a friend and me about Trump:

Friend: He lied to all his constituents; he promised a break from Wall Street

Me: Anyone paying attention to the fact that 70% of his statements are false and only 15% are "true" or "mostly true" would have already known this wasn't a question. I just hope his statements on climate change and nuclear security turn out to be false as well. I also wouldn't mind most of his immigration, trade, health, education, and regulation statements to be false as well... here's to hoping that his track record of being a liar is actually the best quality about him!

Friend: Great point. Why do you think his supporters make excuses for the lies? Do they really believe he's playing 3D chess?

Me: I just think it's frustration and anger. They absolutely knew what they were getting with Hillary. Donald is a big question mark and I think the possibility of it not being more of the same was worth more than the possibility of him destroying the planet.

Putting aside the fact that Greg’s particular derogatory comment makes little to no sense in this context, it is ironic (comical?) that it comes literally a day after my last article on Global Morality and Why It Matters that ended with:

I believe anything not directly physically harmful, intentionally malicious, or actively oppressive is morally acceptable.

That means I find extramarital affairs, gambling, homosexuality, abortion, premarital sex, alcohol use, divorce, contraception use, having children outside of marriage, medical research using stem cells, polygamy, cloning humans, doctor-assisted suicide, suicide, cloning animals, sex between teenagers, pornography, prostitution, and euthanasia as morally acceptable.

I find the death penalty, medical research on animals, and wearing clothing made from animal fur to be generally morally unacceptable due to the three caveats stated above, with physical harm and active oppression being most relevant for disallowing these actions.

The above words in bold are added here for emphasis (not in original) because the term “cuckold” is an attempt to emasculate or deride someone on the basis of sex, specifically a man’s wife having sex with (presumably) another man. To add to the above list of sexual activities, I also have no problem with incest (also not mentioned in the original article) between two consenting adults that are not abusive or the product of abuse. Nor do I have a problem with any particular variety of sex between two healthy, consenting adults including, but not limited to oral, anal, or vaginal sex.

None of this is to say that my marriage with my wife includes any or all of the above. What it does or does not include is not the business of friends, family, local, state, or federal governments. Sex is purely between to consenting parties of legal age and is entirely up to them.

On the specific action of extramarital affairs which was both the target of Greg’s comment and the action considered most morally unacceptable by Pew’s Global Morality survey of 40 countries, I have zero issue with my wife engaging in that action with a few caveats and have said so to her in several conversations. The caveats are simply the ones listed above regarding not physically harming me or intentionally acting out of malice, for example sleeping with my best friend for the sole purpose of wounding me and not for its own sake of sensual pleasure or loving connection.

I can only assume Greg and those like him believe extramarital affairs are a problem for a handful of reasons:

1. They are worried their partner is not responsible, mature, and honest enough to have sex without bringing home some sort of viral STD such as AIDS and infecting them with a lifelong disease.
2. They fear their wife becoming pregnant by another man and being “forced’ to raise it because they either do not believe abortion is a perfectly legitimate option or have not discussed their views on child raising in enough depth, possibly believing that they are less worthy to be considered a man if they raise a child that is not their own.
3. They are insecure to an infantile degree and believe that physical or emotional connection with another person means their partner thinks less or not at all of them, as though sex and love were zero-sum.
4. They hold some archaic belief of the form “a wife must obey her husband” and see sex as a masculine act of dominance and ownership, thereby giving them the right to dictate with whom and when their partner has sex.
5. They are jealous and too petty to deal with their own internal negative emotions, instead relying on lashing out and accusing others of moral transgressions.

I’ve written at length that I see well-being as being a product of desire satisfaction, goal achievement, and social connection. Sex is a wonderful act that can be additive for both desire satisfaction and social connection.

Fear of contracting an STD from a long-term (to your knowledge) monogamous partner is legitimate and can be avoided through genuine dialog. Fear of being financially responsible for a child you do not wish to have is legitimate, but can also be avoided through proper dialog on joint perspectives of having children. Being insecure is a personal issue and should be dealt with individually, although, again dialog with a caring and loving partner or other can help greatly. Holding an archaic belief about a wife needing to obey you is not legitimate and should be discarded or held with shame. Being jealous is perfectly normal, similar to insecurity, but is another personal issue. It should be handled and coped with in a mature fashion, not by restricting the avenues of happiness, love, and connection of someone else, i.e. your partner, whom you presumably and love and care about greatly and hopefully wish all the happiness in the world.

The word cuckold is not insulting to me in any way and should not be viewed as such to other men either. Women, whether spouses or not can sleep with whomever they wish. If I were a woman, I would take offense at the idea that my personal decisions of who and when I share my body with other people are determined as acceptable by men, but I’m not and women can decide for themselves.

The entire belief system wrapped up in seeing cuckold as an insult is the same belief system that views women as deserving a giant scarlet "A" to wear so that the rest of society can ostracize them. It is the same belief system that is tied to slut shaming, slut being another word that really has no reason to be an insult. It's the same belief system that views women as passive objects for men to conquer, not active subjects who also wish to be fulfilled.

​It is patently ridiculous that in 2016 any sex act is considered shameful, unless it is with an unconsenting party, an underage child, or some sort of animal (they can't consent!). In all other cases, sex is good. Do who you want. Do what you want, when you want. ​Don't be ashamed. Don't let others shame you. Don't be insulted by weak minds.